Wanna be a gud friend of your ex.
If You Are Unable To Be Friends With Your Ex, Be Honest About That With Them
Sometimes we try to force ourselves into a friendship relationship with someone we cared about because we don't want to let the person go. This is a mistake. You have to be honest and true to yourself. If you can't handle seeing your ex in the capacity of a friend, then don't put yourself through it. You are only going to prolong the agony you feel about the relationship ending. Instead, communicate with your ex openly and tell them you are not comfortable being just a friend.
This is perhaps the biggest breakup no-no. You are trying to be friends, which is already difficult enough. Trying to breakup and have sex is a recipe for craziness. One or both of you is going to start acting possessive of the other. It is not going to be easy for either of you. If one of you wanted the breakup and the other didn't, there is going to be even more of a problem because someone is going to have feelings for the other. Make your breakup simple. If you are not together, don't use sex as a way of staying connected to your ex. That connection has the potential to turn one of you into a stalker. It may have been good when you were together and it may be good if you are just friends, but why give something so special to someone that you aren't going to be with? Let the past melt into the past. Don't have sex with someone you just broke up with.
Often one of the hardest things to accept with an ex is that they are going to be moving on with someone new. You may feel upset about the fact that they do things with their new love that they did with you. You may even begin to resent and "hate" the person they are seeing for no other reason than that they are dating someone you used to be with. Get over it. Do go around saying bad things about your ex's new love - either to your ex or to your mutual friends. It makes you look jealous, which you probably are, and bitter. That new person isn't the reason you broke up, even if your ex was seeing them before you broke up. The reason you broke up is because you and your ex made choices that led to the breakup. Don't take your anger and frustration out on their new love.
Let's face it. It is nearly impossible to get over someone if you are continually around them. You can't heal and that leaves you in a state of limbo. You start feeling like you are still together. You aren't. Don't get caught up in trying to maintain the relationship under the guise of being a friend. This will only lead to heartache. If you are really not together, act like it. If you don't, you will never be able to move on.
When you have really cared about someone for a while, it's so hard to see them dating someone new. It makes you feel like you are missing out on something - even if the relationship was bad. It may also make you feel jealous when your ex does something for their new love that they didn't do for you. Discussing the new people in your lives is not a good idea. It makes for a dishonest friendship because you have to constantly hide your unhappiness with their new relationship. Is that your idea of happiness? Instead of asking questions about their new love that you don't really need to know, you both need to make the decision to not discuss your new loves.
Talking to your ex everyday is like being an alcoholic and going to a bar everyday. It is a crutch and you need to come to terms with the fact that it is a crutch. Cell phones, email, text messages, instant messages and face to face meetings are all methods of communication that should be severely limited with your ex. You need to curtail your communication as much as possible. You are no longer together right? Talking to the person everyday doesn't allow you to get over it and move on.
Don't Talk About Getting Back Together Or What Could Have Been If You Stayed Together
When you talk to someone as a friend after you break up, it's easy to fall back into talking about the reasons why you broke up. You start forgetting the reasons that your relationship was unbearable and start to wonder if there could be a future for the two of you. Things that were big start to seem small and you start feeling like you could be together again. Don't get yourself into conversations where you start thinking about what could have been and what could be between the two of you. It's over. There may have been positive things about your relationship, but there were obviously a lot of negative things. Don't let your new friendship pull you back into a relationship if that's not what is best for the both of you.
Depending on the circumstances surrounding the breakup, you may or may not have felt closure about the end of the relationship. Becoming friends may provide you with some ability to stay in contact with your ex so that you can talk about the negative issues you had in your relationship. This is a bad idea. If it is over, it is over. Don't bring up those bad feelings again and try to make your ex talk about all of the reasons why they did the negative things they did. It's over. Don't bring up all of the negative things that happened unless you just need closure and don't want to be friends.
Don't Do Double Dates
For some reason, there are those among us that think that they have become such good "friends" with their ex that they can go out on a double date with them. This is generally a very bad idea. Somewhere deep inside of one of you there are bound to be a few lingering feelings of jealousy. Although this may be something that can be controlled, it often can't be. Instead, the person with the negative feelings may make small negative comments or behave in a negative manner. Although you may be friendly, it's just best to keep your dating lives separate. It makes for less drama and far fewer complications.
Don't Place Demands On Your Ex As If You Are Dating
That layer of friendship that you've placed over your relationship may give you the mistaken idea that it's OK to ask for the same type of consideration you had when you were together. This isn't the case. You are not together and trying to demand that your ex treat you as if you are together is a recipe for disaster. Don't expect them to treat you with the same level of consideration. You are not dating this person anymore! If you want to maintain a friendship with them, don't expect them to be anything more than a casual friend to you and don't try to place demands on their time.
Don't Continually Call Your Ex As If You Are Still Together
It can be hard to accept that you are no longer dating if you are still friendly with each other. Constantly calling your ex and expecting them to respond is a sure way to turn your new friendship into a war zone. You aren't together anymore! You need to respect that and act like it. It doesn't make you a bad person if you still have feelings and want to be together, but it does make you a stalker if you don't respect the fact that they don't want to be with you by continually calling them.
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