Metroholica

• Accept that you will take some time to get over the split. Make a list of all the support systems you have, including friends and family. Talk to them about how they can help you through a tough time – this may include lots of listening but they can also help you get back into other activities or assist with practical problems such as finance and child care. But try not to overuse one or to talk about your ex all the time.
• Accept some of the blame for what went wrong. Some people find it hard to accept the part they played.
• In the same vein don't blame yourself for everything. Be willing to see what you contributed to the break-up. This may help you to move on and not stay stuck in difficult feelings.
• Look after yourself physically and emotionally. Don't think you don't matter any more because your relationship has broken up. Why not take up a new activity or arrange to do something you've always wanted but never got around to. Arrange a regular keep fit night with a friend. An appointment that takes you out of the house can help lift your spirits.
• If you have children, do your best to keep them out of any mudslinging and don't use them to get at your partner. Try also not to make them take sides or choose between you and your partner. Remember, even if you separate you can still be a good mother or father.
• Hold on to what was good in the relationship. Don't pretend it was all bad.
• If you can talk to each other about what when wrong, do. See if you can meet socially on neutral territory to address unanswered questions. You need to keep the lines of communication open in order to sort out the practicalities of separating such as selling the house or dividing possessions.
• Try to understand what went wrong and make sense of what happened. It will help you in future relationships.
• In your lowest moments try to remember that people do move on from splitting up and that you too may well feel less upset in time.
• When it becomes clear you need to separate, be as kind to each other as possible. You may not be able to achieve this until you have had a breathing space to reflect on what went wrong.